Transitions

I have been struggling for the last few months. I haven't known exactly what is going on. I feel the very real need to be financially self sufficient. I am kicking myself for allowing things to get to this point. It's odd how I ever let this happen in the first place. If you knew me. For those of you who knew me, it simply wasn't in me to let go and allow things to just happen. I always had a plan. I always had a back up plan. Always. And then I fell in love. Again and again. I was braced for him, but not for her... either of them. My husband and then my little girls and that was all she wrote. I needed to make sure that they had everything they needed. That was what I did. Things got complicated. Don't they always? And now I am looking back and I can't bring myself to regret my choices or the time I've been home. How could I? It was the happiest I've ever been. But retirement is over. The bitch is back. The reckoning has begun. Now I just have to figure out how to reconcile this part of me with the part of me that doesn't even remember what she looks like.