Always Happens

When the first wet dreary days of the year start, it always happens. I can’t even say it’s bad, but it is familiar. There is an ache. There is a moment where I panic. And without a doubt I am again struck by the idea that it doesn’t have to be that way. And then I wonder if it will always be second nature to dread this time of year. It took me a decade to truly enjoy Christmas again after my father died. He passed away December 27, 1993 and it pretty much swallowed the season whole. I spent the first Christmases after my oldest was born crying for things that couldn’t be.

We miss so much doing that. We miss out on so many things when we have expectations of what things SHOULD be like. And from this idea, I have come to a conclusion.

In my life, most of my favorite things are the things I never saw coming. The things I never planned out. The things I didn’t even know existed until I was absorbed in them.

I’m a planner by nature. I always have been, but I think I plan differently than I used to. I plan framework instead of scripts. I make sketches instead of blueprints. I make general rules instead of play by play instructions. It isn’t until you are in the thick of it that you really know what you’re doing anyway. And for me, it’s much better to focus on my attitude and the way I react to problems rather than try to have the forsight to avoid every problem that could ever be. I just needed to say that outloud. It’s going to be a great holiday season.

People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ~ Maya Angelou