That Kind of Mom

For about a month “after the Fall Festival” had been my excuse, my reason for not starting any new projects or taking my usual amount of time to just revel in “mommy time” with my kids. I’m not saying there wasn’t any of it. My focus had just shifted. There were a few crisis and about a million details that could have potentially derailed the Fall Festival.

Sometime in July, I agreed to Chair the Fall Festival for my seven-year-old’s school. By August, they found a Co-Chair to share the responsibilities with me. Between August and last week, there had been a over 150 emails, 50 text messages, 100 phone calls and probably 25 trips to school to sort out the details. That’s not to mention all the trips to various stores and all the packages arriving daily with prizes and games etc. My 5 year old was seriously getting to the point that she HATED the words Fall Festival.

When I took on the commitment of Fall Festival I decided then and there that it was going to be my baby. There had been some issues in past years and the Fall Festival had gone away for lack of interest in chairing it. I decided that if I were going to tackle it one year, that I might as well work it so that I could keep it for the next 5 years. No point in re-inventing the wheel every year. I/we could chair it for the next 4 years and then the last year, I could show someone the ropes and then pass it off when I left the school.

It seems that my real babies weren’t all that happy with the idea of competing for my attention. The last week when I was begging them to be quiet while I worked out the volunteer schedule and all the last minute phone calls, I honestly wondered if what I was doing was what was best for our family. I had already given up Girl Scouts because I really felt it wasn’t what was best for me and mine.

I think ultimately what I came to terms with was that if I want the school to be the kind of place where my daughters feel part of, welcome in, then I need to leave our mark there. I need to contribute and put myself out there in whatever way I can.

I went from feeling like an outsider at the school to feeling like I belonged there in less than a year. The Fall Festival just gave me a chance to show people my vision of the school. It’s where my gift lies. I think it’s where most things truly change. Showing people what you mean instead of telling them how things should be has an entirely different effect.

Monetarily, the Fall Festival was a success. The exact numbers still aren’t in, but we will make enough money to feel successful in that regard. The real success, in my eyes, was that so many people (children and adults alike) commented on how much fun they had. There was so much positive energy in the air. Because I’m simply not part of the older collectives, there were no old rivalries to contend with. There were no pinched faces, overwhelmed, over stressed, and panic driven people running around angrily.

I’m not saying this to toot my own horn, but I truly enjoyed myself and it showed. I’m not the kind of person who could be happy at the level of volunteerism that some of the women in our school reach. I am there a lot, by some people’s standards, I’m there an awful lot, but I don’t live there and I’m not in charge of every activity that happens. I like it that way. And some of the people who enjoyed the Festival the most were the same ones who in years past would have been pushed to take on more responsibility that they wanted. I think that taking on one leadership role that allows a good chunk of the other leaders to take lesser roles, or no roles at all, is good for everyone. I can’t change everything, but I can do that. Happy volunteers make more people want to volunteer. More people gives our school a more diverse, a more accurate face. It makes more children feel like they are truly a part of the school. That HAS to be good for our school. And that has to be good for my kids.

So all in all, I’m happy with my new baby. And in the end, my real babies didn’t feel too upset at the freedom and the recognition for being the children of the woman in charge. I don’t need to be “that kind of mom” to be someone who can effect change. We’re not all her, and that’s ok. Knowing we can’t measure up to someone else shouldn’t keep us from stepping into the light and doing what we can do. If for no other reason than giving “those kind of moms” a rest. Besides, I loved it. I'd be lying if I said I didn't.