Exactly

This is the life I never thought I could have. It’s exactly the life I would have picked if I had a choice. When I was growing up, I wanted nothing more than just to stay put. To dig deep. To belong. To a school. To a church. To anything to make me feel connected. I was always searching for something. I had a good sense of who I was, even then, but who you are doesn’t always matter when you are floating in a sea of others who don’t. I craved that connection. Three years in our new home and I feel home. I’m so lucky and so blessed and so grateful that I have such a wonderful place to live. Great neighborhood, great neighbors. Wonderful kids in my home. A wonderful school and church. I couldn’t be happier. It seems like maybe it was this little window of opportunity. I grabbed on and stretched it and stretched it until it became this place that I could live. I do my best. I really do. But I found something I wrote when I was a teenager talking about this mythical “stay at home” place. This dream I had that I never thought would happen. I’m not sure back then I ever thought I could ever have, or ever deserve, the kind of life I have today. I don’t think I ever thought I could be this happy. That’s not to say that there are days when I don’t wonder exactly what the hell I’m doing here. That isn’t to say that I don’t get angry or upset. It means I am smart enough to realize how good my life is and grateful enough to appreciate it.