Meaning

I feel the need to post something, anything.  It's been almost an entire year since I've posted anything.   I've had quite the drought.   It happens.    I don't want to take this down because it reminds me that I CAN write.  That there is purpose and meaning behind my words.    I've recently sifted through some of my own journals.  I have kept a journal or diary or some sort of  blog more often than not since I was 12 years old.  That's a whole lot of rambling all in one place.  And the one thing I can tell you is that I am much kinder to my younger self that I could ever imagine I would be.  There are so many things I wish that I could wipe away.  Most of that is worry, unnecessary energy spent on things that didn't deserve half as much.  So much crisis that just never amounted to anything.  So much undying passion that never really even came to life, much less death.  So much longing and heart ache.  So much fear of disappointing people whose opinions never really should have mattered to me.  So much to say with so few human words to it.  It's the human condition, wrapped up in a dot matrix styled imprint in my brain.  The blog is just the key.  The key to the castle.  It unlocks the memory and brings me home.  This is why we write.  We write because sometimes it's more important than anything else we do all day.  We write because it reminds us.  It's a whisper to an old friend.  A joke at a party.  A heartfelt hello.  A genuine goodbye.  It's connection to self.