Moments freeze. When you look back on them, they are always a bit surreal. Sometimes I think we know they're going to be the ones that we remember. And it's never the ones that make sense. My most intense memories are the simplest things. A friends face smiling in the sunshine. An unexpected and much needed hug. A feeling, nothing more, nothing less. The energy that someone you love can project. When they change the whole room by walking into it. And the way it feels when the walk out.
As humans, we run the gammit on emotions. We are capable of ALL of them. We may have held back, or built up walls, or turned ourselves inside out. We may even tell ourselves that we are the exception to the rule. But we're not. And deep down, it's not much of a secret.
When I was younger I remember writing the most angst riddled poetry imaginable. Teenage heartaches. Growing pains. General sense of unfairness. The twinge of pain it would invoke was almost enjoyable. It was so easy back then to get so absorbed in your own world. It felt like everything was happening to you. It felt like it was all so important. And I'm not saying there weren't real problems, but as adolescents and as children, it's so hard NOT to be self centered. We're just barely able to empathize at those ages. The sad truth was, once I found my first real obstacle in life, angst and dwelling in the emotions that come with it, were no longer pleasurable in any form. From then on, I shyed away from them.
They still exist inside of me, but I feel like I'm betraying myself when I allow myself to dwell, to wallow. It isn't productive. It doesn't help anything. I believe in the power of positive thought and of positive energy. But it can be exhausting. Selling yourself to yourself. All the time.
Sometimes I just take a vaction in my mind. Back to one of the moments frozen in time, good bad or indifferent. Genuine, thrilling or mundane, is safer than my day to day mental juggling.
Funny thing is, you wouldn't believe how many of you are in those moments. But you know me, Ms. Aloof. I'll never tell. *smiles*
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Should have asked first - but I linked your blog to mine. So others I know might find you just because. You write beautifully.
ReplyDeletethank you.. thats very sweet.
ReplyDeleteI am still figuring out the ins and outs of this format, and I would have said yes anyway, now all I need to do is figure out the difference between friending and following and if they're the same thing and why some people show up and others don't... its very confusing to me. I love the people I know here, but the format seems to leave a lot to be desired.. like.. I'm not even sure you're going to be notified of this response