A Little Bit

It’s a thought. A weird one. It’s been over 10 years since I’ve gone a full week without seeing my husband. It’s been over 10 years since I’ve gone 5 days without seeing my husband. Two years ago we went 5 days without seeing our girls and it did seem surreal, but it also felt perfectly natural. It felt like us. Apart from a few float trips and a 3 day trip out of state, we haven’t had any time away from us.

To put this into perspective. I’ve gone weeks without seeing my mother. At certain times, I’ve even gone weeks without talking to her. Some of that was because she was unconscious, but it amounts to the same thing. I talk to my brother whenever I call him or whenever we see each other on facebook. When he still lived here, I saw him at holidays, birthdays, weddings, funerals, etc. My best friend, the one I’ve had since I was itty bitty, I talk to her probably about once every 6 weeks on average. Some months go by without any contact at all. Very rarely do we talk more than that. We usually do right before a visit, but that will peter off afterward. It always does.

I used to feel like going back to Texas was making contact with my touch stone. It’s funny that in planning my first extended trip back in a decade, that I realize that my touchstone is the very thing I sleep next to every night.

I don’t panic with the idea of, oh no, will I be ok without him? I’m absolutely positive, both of us will be fine. I’m not even worried about the kids or the drive. I’m not really worried at all. I think maybe I’m a little annoyed with myself that I simply hadn’t seen it sooner.

I sleep with my touchstone. Every night. I sleep with him and talk to him every day. And usually make him laugh, or at the very least smile. It doesn’t get much better than that.

But you know that time at the end of the day when you go home and reflect on everything? Yeah, that’s gonna be a bit different. It’s amazing what you miss when you never step back for enough to actually see. 10 years. That’s a DECADE. It’s silly but I just keep thinking how good he’ll look when I get back. I don’t want to miss him a lot, but a little bit would be nice.