Reminder

Throughout my life there has always been a reminder that I am different.  So often I hate being different.  I hate it so much so that I wish and wish that I weren't.  Eventually I fall into a lull.  My life seems to be a series of peculiar events separated by these encouragingly normal times. 

Right now I'm in a lull.  It feels like the calm before the storm.  I'm at that point where I'm going back through old files, looking for evidence.  And of course I can't find it.  Because when you hate being different as much as I do, you learn to erase things you might otherwise obsess over.  And now I doubt myself.

Not a lot.  Just a little.  I've ridden this ride before.  I know what's on the horizon.  Or at least that there is something on the horizon.  Forgetting is easy to do.  I've watched everyone I love do it, over and over.  You just let go and let it happen.  You would think that at some point I would master it.  It would be so much easier if I could.  Then again, if I could do that, I wouldn't be different.  Would I?